Three Dates, Three Incidents, Three Deaths
On February 23 of this year at about 1 pm, Ahmaud Arbery, a 25-year-old African-American man was jogging through a neighborhood in Brunswick, GA. Two white man, seeing him run by, chased,shot, and killed him. The two white men, a father and son, said they thought he was a burglar and decided to take the law in their own hands. It took nearly two months for the local police to arrest the men, even though they knew back in February they had committed the killing.
On March 13 in the early morning hours Breonna Taylor and her boyfriend were asleep in their bed when Louisville, KY police broke into their home on a “no-knock” drug raid. The police had the wrong house and Breonna, a 26-year-old EMT was shot and killed when a gunfight ensued.
On May 25, this past Monday, George Floyd was stopped by Minneapolis, MN police because he supposedly looked like a man suspected of forgery. Four officers grabbed Floyd and pushed him to the ground. One of the officers sat on Floyd’s neck and refused to get off, even when Floyd pleaded for the officer to get off crying “I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe.” Floyd died en route to the hospital. Protests and riots broke out on the site of the crime and outside the police station over the next couple days.
Three incidents, three black people, three deaths in three different cities. On my Facebook and Twitter, black folks are venting their anger at these incidents. They are enraged.
What About the Reaction of White People?
White people need to care as well. I suspect most, if not all the white folks reading this blog, understand why there is rage, and to the extent they are able, they empathize with their black friends and co-workers. I suspect most of the white people reading this blog to some degree understand that these are not three isolated incidents, but are part of a pattern of dehumanization, violence, and death that goes back 400 years in this country. We/You may understand that what happened in these deaths is part of larger picture in our own day of police abuse and violence against people of color. Moreover, we/you recognize that if Ahmaud, Breonna, and George had been white, these incidents would not have occurred and if they did, the killers would have been quickly and summarily arrested and charged with murder.
The thing is many of the white people in our lives – our friends, co-workers, family members – don’t get it. It may not even have been on their radar, just another death of another black person in the news. And if there is a reaction, they probably are critical and angry that all those people in Minneapolis are looting, breaking windows, and starting fires. What good does that do? – they say.
That is why we who are white and somewhat aware need to talk to those other white folks in our lives. We need to help them see this isn’t a black issue, this is a human issue and that every day black men and women go through their lives worrying and wondering if they will be next. They don’t often talk with their white friends about their fears because all too often the white folks just don’t get it. Racially-based police violence is just not part of their life experience. For black and brown folks it is. That’s why we need to talk to the white people in our lives.
Ahmaud was taking a run, Breonna was asleep in their bed, and George was standing outside a store – all of them minding their own business. But that didn’t matter because they were black and that meant they were targets. We need to talk to the white folks in our circles about that.
How Do We Talk to White Folks About Racism
We don’t have to yell or preach, we just need to ask: What did you think about the incident in Georgia? In Louisville? In Minneapolis? And if they don’t know what we are talking about (and many won’t), we can share what we know and how we see it? We need to ask them if they think it is just that black folks are so often targets of others racist hate. We need to ask them how they think this sort of thing happens. We need to demonstrate by our questions and our concern that we care about these incidents and that we think they should too.
Now don’t be surprised if folks get a little edgy and want to avoid the conversation by saying they aren’t racist, and they weren’t there. Don’t be surprised if they accuse you of trying to make them feel guilty just because they’re white. Don’t be surprised if they do everything they can to avoid the conversation. There are a lot of white people who are scared to death of talking about race. But hang in there. You know them. You care about them. Don’t let them off easy.
Not Talking About These Incidents is Racist
Back on August 11, 2017, a group of self-proclaimed White Nationalists marched through the campus of the University of Virginia in Charlottesville, VA carrying lit tiki torches chanting “White Lives Matter,” “You Will Not Replace Us,” and the Nazi-inspired phrase “Blood and Soil.” Counter-protesters gathered to challenge their presence and some scattered brawls ensued. Police soon arrived and dispersed the crowd. But in the process, a woman was run over by a car and killed.
While there was a great deal of back and forth in the press, I was struck how the white people around me weren’t talking about the incident like the black people I knew. Some of my students came to me and asked, “How can I talk to my family and friends about these issues?” It dawned on me that we white folks often don’t get involved. We let the people of color vent. We are afraid to talk because we don’t want to appear or be accused of being racist. What we don’t realize is being silent and going on like nothing happened is as racist as if we spoke a racial epithet.
White folks need to be involved. We need to be in the conversation. We need to talk to the white folks in our circles and let them know that incidents like deaths of Ahmaud, Breonna, and George cause as much damage to white people as it does to people of color because it only widens the divide, stokes the anger, and increases the misunderstanding.
We need to talk to the white folks in our lives and help them see that this isn’t a black problem but a human problem. It’s not “their problem” it is our problem. That is why we need talk about it
*** Parts of this blog are adapted from my forthcoming book, Disrupting Whiteness: How to Talk to White People About Racism, due out 2021.
Thank you dear friend for your anger and your grief, and your clarity.
We have to talk about it.
If we don’t talk about it now, when will we?
I thought this spring would be quieter because of the virus.
I thought there was no other issue that could take over attention from 100,000 deaths, but this kind of killing in cold blood has to be addressed with at least as much passion and outrage.
Especially when you realize that this is not new – the only thing new is that it is being filmed and cannot be ignored.
How can we talk about anything else?
Yet I know I am off on another topic in a minute. I have lots of other things to care about and worry about. This killing grabs me for a minute and I cry and I rage for a minute – and then I move on. I don’t have to worry what this means about my son’s life the next time he goes outside. So I can move on. I can imagine preaching about something else.
How can we talk about anything else?
Thank you, Drick, for continuing to share your thoughts and make us think.
Thank you so much Drick for your honesty. I had long talk with my children and husband last night after hearing about George. We often discuss the topic from a historical perspective or from the perspective of inclusion of all people despite their skin color, beliefs or who they love. Last night I shared these three innocent people and how their beautiful lives are no more because of the color of their skin. That conversation last night was just the beginning as I continue to try to make sense of the hate and fear in this country. “this isn’t a black problem but a human problem.” I couldn’t agree more. I am now working on compiling resources to help parents have open conversations about racism with their kids. I plan to share this post as one of the resources. Thank you
Jessica – that is so great what you are doing. Thanks for your example.
Drick, this is thought-provoking and so relevant not just because of the recent events but because the residue of racism in the United States is so pervasive and must be addressed CONTINUALLY. My prayer is that these lives will not be forgotten and that there will not be yet another irrational, race-based incident in this country. Talking about it is the first step. Developing authentic cross-cultural, cross-race relationships is the next step. You care more when you actually have real friendships that cross racial divides.
I live in a suburb of Minneapolis. My son lives very close to all the looting and burning. They had a very scary night Saturday into Sunday. Their little ones stayed with us.
Many of the back residents are distraught over the destruction of their neighborhoods. Grocery, liquor, and drug stores all gone. The Minneapolis 3rd police precinct was burned to the ground. Those police there kept order and many black families relied on them heavily. Please keep in mind there are way more blacks killed by blacks in Minneapolis and across the country.
Does that mean I condone the loss of George’s life. No. We are all children of God and I consider all life to be precious, including the officers life. The video looks horrible, I get that. But I will wait for the investigation and the facts to come out. Officer Chauvin has been charged and is in jail. The preliminary Medical Examiners report said George did not die from lack of air. He did have heart disease and there were signs of drugs that may have contributed to his death.
So I ask Drick and the commenters. Why can’t we wait till the hard facts are in. Why can’t we wait till the trial? Why do we have to shout racism from the highest hill when we don’t know.
BTW. How many of you know that “hands up don’t shoot” was a total lie. It didn’t happen. Check out the grand jury report from eye witnesses, many of them black, that never saw Brown do or say that.
You want a discussion with White people in this country then wait for the facts and give us the facts.
And pray for George’s family and all the families, black, white, Hispanic or in other words fellow Americans whose lives are turned upside down by the looting and destruction by fire
Your immediate and constant shouts of racism do not help the cause.
Steve – You ask for facts. Ask the people most directly impacted by those facts, and they will tell you that the deaths of people like George Lloyd, Ahmaud Arbery and Breanna Taylor are not isolated incidents. They are part of a larger pattern of discrimination and violence against people of color. No one is justifying the looting and violence, but there is a reason for the rage. We need to ask ourselves: why the tears? why the marching? why the anger? If you are willing to look at those questions, then you will find your facts. I can give you statistics and percentages, but the facts are right there if you are willing to listen to those telling the reasons for their grief.
Drick. I said wait for the facts on this case. But no. Just like in Ferguson you don’t care about the facts. You just call racism. You said the same BS when I questioned you about your false statements concerning Wilson and Brown. Did you ever the grand jury report regarding Ferguson? I’ll bet not. It wouldn’t support you narrative would it. What a joke
Steve, all I ask is that you listen to those most affected. The reaction to George Floyd’s death is because so many people of color, especially African Americans, have been hurt or lost loved ones by the police. This is not about me or my views. It is what people of color around the country are saying. You don’t have to listen to me, but I would urge you to listen to them. What keeps you from listening to their stories?
And how do you I haven’t listened to those who are affected by police wrong doing? I do. I also listen to the black,Hispanic, Asian and Somalians who are affected by not enough police. They live in fear of the gangs and thugs.
You ranted about the National Guard being called in. However, many of the store owners of the above population lost everything and wish the guard was there earlier. So should I call you a racist because you don’t seem to care about them?
Steve – In no way am I justifying looting or crimes of that sort. Nor am I diminishing the fear that some of them may have. But can you just consider why people would be marching in the streets after the death of George Floyd? His death has struck a nerve with people all over the country. Why do you think that is? You may not agree with their reasons, but why do you think they are marching, protesting, calling for defunding the police? That is all I am asking.
Drick,
Thank you for having these discussions about race. It’s never easy to bring up the subject but it must be discussed and more importantly actions need to happen to change our society.
Here is the fact like it or not: George, Breonna, and Ahmaud would still be alive if they were white.
I don’t like to say that in the year 2020, as I would have hoped as a nation we have moved past our racist ideals. But we have not yet reached that goal.
It is achievable. We must stand with our brothers and sisters of color and demand justice and demand change in the way law enforcement handles minorities. No we can’t just disband the police. That is not the answer. We must hold them to a higher standard because they have a higher authority. And we must hold our leaders, mayors, police chiefs to this standard. Just and fair treatment by the police should not be a privilege but a right for all citizens regardless of race, gender, religion.
We are in troubled times and our leadership has failed us. That is a fact and if you don’t agree remember what President George W Bush said after that the 9/11 attacks: “The face of terror is not the true faith of Islam”.
I would love to repeat a compassionate quote from President Trump but I can’t because he has done nothing to reassure the citizens of this great nation that we will overcome the sins of our past and ensure equal treatment to all.
Ed. You have no idea if Floyd was killed because he was black. No idea. Just speculation. From what I have heard Chauvin was an equal opportunity bully. He and Floyd crossed paths working at a nightclub. Who knows. Yet you throw these bombs out that it wouldn’t have happened if Floyd was white! YOU DON’T know that for certain and I say BS.
Ed – thanks for your comment. I agree wholeheartedly with what you saying.
Steve – In no way am I justifying looting or crimes of that sort. Nor am I diminishing the fear that some of them may have. But can you just consider why people would be marching in the streets after the death of George Floyd? His death has struck a nerve with people all over the country. Why do you think that is? You may not agree with their reasons, but why do you think they are marching, protesting, calling for defunding the police? That is all I am asking.